This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by   Shar 1 year, 1 month ago.

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  • #430

    stumbles
    Participant

    Hi All, just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to manage the ‘it’s not fair’ behavior. We have siblings with us, 5 and 7, a new permanent placement, they’ve been with us nearly four weeks. For example, both get to choose a story at night, and whose ever book you read first, the other will comment ‘it’s not fair, I never get a go’. And this statement goes for everything, even as to whose towel goes up on the rack first.

    In particular one of the siblings (older sibling), gets more upset, stomps feet etc. We’ve tried reasoning, but it doesn’t seem to work. 🙁

    Any help or strategies would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks
    Stumbles

    #737

    Graeme
    Ambassador

    Hi Stumbles and welcome to the forum :cheer:

    What a great topic, all carers have been down this area with our children and children often use their behavior to tell us what they need, carers can help the child by trying to figure out the meaning behind the child’s behavior. All children, but especially those who display challenging behavior, need the consistency of a reliable and loving adult who will provide support and guidance, especially during difficult times. Just as it is important to find meaning in children’s behavior, it is equally important for adults to be aware of the meaning in their own behavior. Children learn a lot through the messages that adults send everyday.To better understand what a child may be communicating through challenging behavior, it is important for adults to play detective and gather information. Think about when, where and with whom the challenging behavior occurs. Notice any patternsn it was that occur.

    What has worked well in my home is letting the children I care for make a weekly roster thats colour coded and each night the 3 children would check to whose turn it was. Took about 2 weeks. Reasoning with a 5 and 7 is really hard and sometimes they are just trying to see what they can get away with, but with persistance and patience works out. Best of Luck.

    #739

    Joe
    Participant

    Hi Stumbles,

    I agree with Graeme in that if the common thread is “that’s not fair”, perhaps the kids taking ownership may be the answer. If its not fair then “what is fair”? , see if they can come up with the answer. A routine and roster as Graeme has said sounds like a good option. Make it a group decision and agreement. They more than likely will accept that they have come up with the solution and hopefully honour it.

    :cheer:
    Joe

    #431

    stumbles
    Participant

    Hi Graeme & Joe,

    Thank you for your responses, they’re much appreciated.

    Since my post the behavior of the older child has escalated dramatically to major tantrums, destroying bedroom, screaming and screeching.

    We are now the process of getting counseling asap.

    I will be back for more advice!!

    Thanks
    Stumbles

    #3976

    angellily
    Spectator

    Hello stumbles
    i also want to know about behaviour ideas.
    and thanx for share this here.

    #4006

    Shar
    Ambassador

    Hi Stumbles, tricky one, taking turns can be very challenging especially between siblings and especially at this age. having a choice of strategies in place for these times is helpful. sometimes removing the choices eg: reading ONE book that YOU choose, using distraction (maybe a hand puppet could read the story to them)so they forget about the ITS NOT FAIR habit that has formed over time. In situations when they have not realised they have taken turns quietly……praise praise praise! one of those habits that may take a while to phase out. as well as the ideas that joe and Graeme suggested!good luck

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