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  • #661

    Saoirse
    Participant

    Hi All

    My husband and I would like to become foster carers, preferably for long term placements.

    I have always wanted to be a foster carer as well as have my own children. I just didn’t expect to not be able to have my own children at all. My husband and I had a stillborn son 5 years ago and have been unable to fall pregnant again since, we’ve been through one cycle of IVF which failed. I’m now 34 and we are still trying naturally to have our own children and may look into more intervention to help us in the future.

    Meanwhile, we would really like to foster a child or children now, but are concerned that infertility may stand in the way. I am a social worker and acutely aware that fostering is about providing a loving environment for a child and support for their family, rather than about meeting my need to be a parent. I’ve taken a lot of time considering this and know that foster care is not a solution to infertility. However I also know that I will be a great mum, whether that’s to my own children or someone else’s. Any child that came into our home, for any amount of time, would be treated with as much love and attention as a child that was biologically ours. I know how much these kids need a bit of stability and love and how much of a difference that might make to their lives even if that is for a short time.

    My second concern would be around agency policy for fertility treatment and pregnancy. Would I be precluded, or have children removed from the home if I fell pregnant? Are there rules around trying to fall pregnant and undergoing fertility treatments? I have faith that eventually we will be parents, to either our own children, or foster children, or both, and I don’t mind what order that comes in! But I guess I’m not sure what the agency policies are around this.

    You read a lot of stories (mostly in NewIdea lol) about people who have been unable to have their own children then decide to foster and end up with a sibling set on an 18 year order. This of course is great however I know not the case all the time and I would like to be prepared. As much as I want to be a mum, infertilty and pregnancy loss is constant heartbreak, so it’s a big decision to put yourself out there for potentially more heartbreak (hopefully not but I don’t want to go into this with unreasonable expectations).

    We plan to go to a foster care info night with a barrage of questions but thought I might ask here as well. Does anyone have any experience with infertility and fostering and can offer some advice? Any insight is appreciated! 🙂

    Also, we intend on eventually (next 2 years or so) relocating to country NSW (somewhere within a 2hr radius of Canberra as we still have a lot of family here but have a lot of family in the country as well!). How would this work if we had an ACT placement? Should we instead be looking to work with NSW agencies?

    Thanks in advance 🙂

    #662

    blue
    Participant

    Hi Saoirse,
    How did you go? I think you would need to talk through with a particular Agency what their policy is. My understanding is that if you are not currently undergoing IVF, that is fine. It sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of all the issues, anyway. Foster care can break your heart, so if it is already broken, there is less to lose, if you take my meaning. :pinch: When we first applied, I was still thinking about having more kids, and once I assured them that I wouldn’t be “handing back” my foster kids if I did fall pregnant, they were fine about it.
    In terms of moving, maybe go with a NSW Agency – but again, ask the Agency you apply with what their policy is with moving out of area.
    Good luck!

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